Thursday, August 30, 2007

Brought to you by the letter J

You recently started a new job at a company that sells sporting goods. You are a 7’2” tall female and are irrationally shy. When you receive a company-wide email asking if you want to join the office fantasy football league—$30 to enter—you jump at the chance. While you don’t care a whit about football (or any American sport, really), you see this as a way to make friends at work. You would gladly pay $30 to make nine new friends.

While returning to the office after lunch, two of your league-mates are talking about the draft in the elevator. While you do not have time to transcribe the entire conversation word-for-word, the gist of what they say is this:

“No way I’m going to lose to that girl in our league.”
“You might. You suck at Fantasy Football.”
“I’ll bet $100, and give you 10-1 odds.”
“Did you see what her team name is?”
“Yeah. Pony Flowers.”
“There is no way I lose to Pony Flowers. No way.”

You find this conversation to be insulting and decide you'd like to do what it takes to have "Pony Flowers" beat the elevator guys' team. The draft is tonight and your one friend who likes fantasy football (and who has agreed to run your team during the regular season) is hiking in Vermont and doesn’t get cell phone reception. What do you do?

This year, the solution is easy: In every round, draft the highest rated player whose last name starts with J. This works for every round except four 4, where you should draft Donovan Jamal McNabb. (Otherwise you’d get stuck starting Tavaris Jackson at QB.) Assuming you had, say, the #2 pick in a 10-team draft, you team might look like this:

1. Steven Jackson
2. Thomas Jones
3. Brandon Jacobs
4. Donovan Jamal McNabb
5. Andre Johnson
6. Calvin Johnson
7. Vincent Jackson
8. Julius Jones
9. Lamont Jordan
10. Brandon Jones
11. Kevin Jones
12. Jacksonville Defense
13. Eric Johnson
14. Tavaris Jackson
15. Sebastian Janikowski

You’ll have a competitive team. Your Vermont friend will have something to work with.

Dr. Gravitee’s challenge: If you were to create a team using the same first letter of the first name (e.g., Leon Washington, Larry Fitzgerald, etc.), which letter would you choose?

: Can you name one player (without looking it up) whose last name starts with the letter z?


Musa D said...

B. Barry Sanders.

Angry! said...

Remember Chris Zorich? He was on ND in the 1990s. And then on the Bears. And then he quit football and went to ND Law School. Anyway, his last name starts with z. Do I win the tie-breaker?

Hank Hulkum said...

Hey Angry!

Don't you get it? There is no prize. You are a loser. If I were a dumb blog-reading sixteen year-old and trying to insult you I would call you a "looser."



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