Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Introducing: The Red-Speedo Man

While Musa D’s girlfriend was busy dreaming about me, I’ve been spending a lot of time with a near-naked Musa D. look-alike.

Let me explain: I recently joined a masters swim team, and there is a man on the team whose physical resemblance to Musa D. is eerie.

He looks so much like Musa D. that I’ve begun to think that we are already very good friends even though we haven’t exchanged so much as a single word together. The Musa D. look-alike wears the same red speedo to every practice.

At our last practice, after another teammate complained that the workout was too difficult, I elbowed the Red-Speedo Man and rolled my eyes. The Red-Speedo Man didn’t react. I had my goggles on and they are tinted, so it is possible that he didn’t see my eyes rolling.

Practices are two hours long, but ninety-nine percent of that time is spent swimming. When we swim our ears are below water. This makes it difficult to get to know people. That is unless, of course, you are good at talking with people while changing out of a wet speedo or while soaping and ‘pooing up in a communal shower. I am not good at these two things.

Still, I think it is my duty to chronicle the exploits of Musa D’s look-alike, who I will heretofore dub the RSM.


Hannah said...

I do not believe you really call shampooing "'pooing," at least not in the communal shower. As in, "Dude, toss me that bottle of 'poo, I need to 'poo up." Right. Even you guys wouldn't say that.

Also, what are you going to say when RSM finally asks you why you keep looking at him? "You remind me of a guy I know"? You need a plan.

Anson Mountain said...

I think it's a reasonable plan. Though I wouldn't wait for him to ask you why you're staring. I would go up to him and say, "Did anyone ever tell you that you look exactly like Musa D?" And he'll say, "Who's Musa D?" and you'll say, "This guy I know. He's a pretty wonderful guy, actually. I bet you are too." Instant friends. This is essential though: make sure you are not 'pooing when you have this conversation.

DrGravitee said...

There is a small window of opportunity each practice that I would feel comfortable employing Anson's suggestion: when we are leaving the university pool in street clothes and shielding our goggle-lined eyes from the morning sun. All other times require a plan, as hannah suggested.

I must admit that I am scared to talk with him. I like Musa D., and this RSM can only let me down.

Have you ever been told that you remind someone of one of their good friends? This happens to me at least once a year. I sometimes end up meeting this look-alike/act-alike person, and I have yet to ever make a connection to one of them. We usually just stand there awkwardly while the person who brought us together looks at both of us with that look of someone who is waiting for the punchline of a joke they already know they will like--bringing look/act-alikes together is hilarious to the bringer together.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, "that bonehead reminds my friend of me?"