Accidental Home Runs on the Rise

Over the last 50 years, the amount of accidental home runs hit has been increasing at an alarming rate. In fact, if accidental home runs were to continue to increase at their current rate, there would be more accidental home runs than intentional home runs by the year 3,521.

Kenny Loften, who led the league last year with 7 accidental home runs, defended his penchant for the so-called "oops bop": "I never try to hit a home run," he said. "I just try to put a good swing on the ball."

While accidental home runs are down overall in spring training so far, a recently hit dramatic surprise slam has kept the topic in the news: Jacoby Ellsbury, after hitting a game-winning home run in the 10th inning of a spring training game, admitted his home run had been a complete shock: "Not what I intended to do at all," he said. "But hey, I'll take it."

Johan: El Cy Youngazo (The Great Cy Young)

Johan Alexander Santana Araque might be the best American baseball player this world has ever known. His 91-95 mph fastball, his slurve, and his tailing changeup are all quad-plus (plus plus plus plus) pitches, and his ability to leg press 1050 lbs--while irrelevant to his pitching prowess--is also impressive. Almost as impressive as his ability to stay a strict vegan even though his wife makes her soups with a chicken-based broth (source: anon within Philly org).

In fact, Doug MacCafferty, the famed single-A scout, believes Santana is poised to shock the world and win at least thirty games this year. "If he can command his stuff, really just go out there and command it each start, I see no reason why he doesn't win thirty, thirty-one games this year."

In addition, I just got off the phone with my source within the Mets organization and he is soup-to-nuts thrilled. The Mets feel that once you control for stadium coefficient, line-up lag, catcher ineptitude, and New Yorkability, Santanta could double the number of wins he had last year (he had 15 wins last year).

I did some quick mathematical projections myself and found that as long as the Mets lineup scores their projected 1020 runs created (runs = (hits+BB) (TB) / At-bats + BB), and as long as he faces the Pirates seven times (assuming the current rotation holds steady), he could win as many as thirty-five games and as few as seven. The biggest variable is Measure Maturity, which for Santana should hold steady or even increase (see graph).

Bottom line: If he wins his fifteenth before the AS break, I'd say he has a decent shot at the elusive 30-win mark. The MLB record is held by Jack Chesbro, who went 41-12 for the New York Highlanders in 1904.

Frequency of Sinkhole Activity Steadily Mediocre

We've been writing this blog for a year. The number of posts by month:


The percentage of posts by author:


The only question now is what direction The Kitchen Sinkhole should take in order to remain relevant. A few ideas:

• A Lions & Titans Weekly Comparison Blog ("Light Blue Connection")
• A Jason Hanson Tribute Blog ("Kicking Off & Taking Names")
• A Rob Bironas Tribute Blog ("It's Long Enough, It's Straight Enough")
• A Nonsense-Statistic Blog ("Mel & the Math Dog")

Come up with something better and leave it in the comments. Winner gets to write the first post.

Fives In Quintuplicate

No one in the history of the NBA has ever had a quintuple double.*

I have recently become interested in the next best thing to a quintuple double: the 5-by-5 stat. Current players who are threats to get 5-by-5 include: Gerald Wallace, Ben Wallace, Josh Smith, Kevin Garnett, Andrei Kirilenko, Marcus Camby, and Shawn Marion. Tonight, for example, Josh Smith was one block short of his first-ever 5-by-5: 18 points, 7 rebounds, 6 assists, 5 steals, and 4 blocks.

I postulate that the 5-by-5 stat has a high correlation with Ex-Factor.

Sinkhole Poll: Who do you think will be next NBA player to get a 5-by-5?

*This is not exactly true: steal and block statistics have only been kept since the 1973-74 season.

Who Is The Most Exciting Non-Sports Athlete Today?

This is no toss-up!

It is the spider monkey.

Who Is The Most Exciting Sports Athlete Today?

Well, it's a toss up between The Black President, Purple Jesus, and...Walter Herrmann.

You don't know who Walter Herrmann is now. But you will soon.

Note: After Sean May got hurt and Adam Morrison tore his ACL in a preseason game, I had to pick another distinctive-looking Bobcat to root for. I will continue rooting for Herrmann and the Bobcats until Isiah Thomas is fired and Eddy Curry and Stephon Marbury are traded.

Sinkhole Superstars: Jason "I'm the one who went to Duke" Williams

The crown jewel of the 1999 SLAM All-American team was Jason "I'm the one who went to Duke" Williams. It appears that he is out of the NBA for good (read: retired). Here is an excerpt:

"Jason Williams: Jason Williams had it all. He was a was a model student/athlete and his success continued in college. He helped Duke to the 2001 National Championship. While kids across America were rationalizing staying in college seven years, “Jay” Williams finished at Duke in three and was taken second in the NBA draft in 2002. He had a decent rookie season and seemed to be building a solid career for himself. In the summer of 2203, Williams was in a motorcycle accident that, essentially ending his playing career. He attempted a comeback with the Nets in 2006, but was cut after making a few preseason appearances to the delight of the crowd in his native New Jersey. After a quick minute in the D-League, Williams has begun a new phase in his life in the sports marketing world."

Note: Another SLAM 1999 All American, Kenny Satterfield, is currently out of the league. He was one of the best NYC streetball players of all time. Since leaving Cincinnati early, he's bounced all around, mostly overseas. (Although, it could be worse: A former Satterfield teammate who currently works as a packer at a Keebler plant in Ohio was just arrested for having crack cocaine on the floorboard of his 1996 Mazda.)

Note: Someday soon Kevin Pittsnogle might become a Sinkhole Superstar. To prepare for this eventuality, I have begun to conduct research on him. Did you know that Pittsnogle, using one ball and one rebounder, once made 78 3 pointers in 5 minutes. That's a 3 pointer in every 3.8 seconds. That's Kobayashi-esque. After playing for the CBA's X-Plosion last year, I thought he might stick with an NBA this year. No such luck. He'll start the season with Cholet Basket.

Pittsnogle update: This NYTimes article is a good read.

Channing Crowder, Former UF Football Player

Dolphins LB Channing Crowder, who appears likely to start in the middle Sunday against the Giants with Zach Thomas ailing, says he didn't know until Tuesday that people in London speak English. "I couldn’t find London on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries," he said. "I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I know (Washington Redskins LB) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name."

Channing is absolutely correct. Fletcher was born in Cleveland.

Check out the source for this article. The comment section after the article is mildly entertaining and potentially informative.

I Watch TV on the Internet

I haven't turned my television on in weeks. I watch all my TV on my computer. Including Journeyman. This show is hot. As hot as Day Break was last year. Moon Bloodgood is back, only this time she can time travel. You should check it out. Incidentally, have you ever noticed that Moon Bloodgood's name has three-peating vowels, and none of them rhyme? Musa D. is good at coming up with other names that pull this off. Musa D., take it away:

ABC Shows

NBC Shows

CBS Shows

Fox Shows

CW Shows

Comedy Central Shows

Pumpkins = Ballgames

From "Yours," by Mary Robison, a message from the 2007 Tigers (an elderly husband), who finished 88-74, to the 2003 team that lost 119 games (a doomed wife):

"He wanted to get drunk with his wife once more. He wanted to tell her, from the greater perspective he had, that to own only a little talent, like his, was an awful, plaguing thing; that being only a little special meant you expected too much, most of the time, and liked yourself too little. He wanted to assure her that she had missed nothing."